Is it over ok to uninvite a wedding guest?
From an etiquette perspective handed down through the centuries, the answer would be a resounding no. However, “There are two conceivable reasons why you may wish to uninvite a wedding guest to your wedding,” says modern wedding etiquette expert Anne Chertoff. “The first is a miscalculation with respect to budget or venue and is never appropriate to do. The second is a falling out or fight with a person. Regardless of the reason, we would advise trying everything in your power to resolve the issues, the repercussions of uninviting a guest could be lifelong. If you have tried and can’t resolve things, you may be faced with task of uninviting them”
What if we can’t afford for them to attend?
Consider cutting back your floral budget, sizing down on the bar arrangement, or changing the transport if you need to save money. Chertoff says, “You should never uninvite someone for the first scenario, as it is completely avoidable. Be sure that your budget and venue can accommodate everyone you wish to invite at the start. Only then can you even consider sending out your invitations. Financial issues are avoidable during the planning stage, and not a fault of your guests. Cut back on other parts of your wedding rather than uninvite someone because of a budget issue.”
What if I really don’t want them to attend the wedding any more?
Whether because of a breakup, a falling out, or a huge argument, consider the long-term implications while making this decision. Chertoff says, “If, after invitations have been sent, you have a serious falling out with one of your guests you must first determine if that relationship is repairable. If it is, try to do so before the wedding, extend an olive branch. If you determine it is not and you do choose to uninvite him or her, realize that this will make reconciliation later much more difficult. If you have a falling out with a guest be sure not to uninvite them in the heat of the moment and take some time to think and cool off before making a decision or communicating anything.”
How to uninvite a guest, should you decide to do so
The best way is to take the bull by the horns and be direct . Chertoff says “If, after considering all the consequences, you and your fiance still wish to disinvite this person, let him or her know directly,” she says. “Avoid going into details and long winded reasoning and keep the conversation brief and to the point.” Be sure to explain the situation to this person over the phone, or face-to-face, which is really the best and politest option especially if you know them well. Chertoff says “Although it may be tempting to send an email or letter, it is better to have direct contact and inform this person that they are no longer welcome. With email or snail mail you cannot be sure that they are aware that they were uninvited. And while a second confrontation may not be comfortable, it’s better to have the second confrontation ahead of the wedding day and not on your wedding day.”
Remember ultimately your wedding day is about you and your partners enjoyment of the day and the memories for years to come. You should be completely happy with the day and those who share it and cherish it with you.